The Not So Ugly Duckling

By Bernie Siegel, M.D.
The other day I was sitting on our back porch, enjoying the sun, when a bedraggled little duck startled me with a big splash as he crash landed in the little pond I had built in our backyard. As he settled down and tried to catch his breath I noticed his feathers were pointing in all directions. I continued to watch as our rabbit Smudge hopped over to the pond and struck up a conversation.
“Hi, my name is Smudge. If you are looking for a place to rest you landed in the right place. Can I get you something to eat? You look tired and hungry.”
“I could use a bite to eat and a few moments to catch my breath.”
When Smudge gave me the sign I went to our food bin and brought some bird seed and corn over and then went back and sat down so I wouldn’t frighten his new friend.
“That helped. Thank you.”
“Happy to help. Bobbie and Bernie, the couple who live here, rescued me and my sister Snowflake two years ago. They have big hearts and a house full of animals they love. We all have stories to tell; what’s yours?”
“When I popped out of the egg before I was expected my mom started telling me that she was disappointed in me from day one because I was so small and had weird looking feathers. She said she was tired of explaining things to people and hiding me. She kept telling me what a disappointment I was to her and my dad. Whenever they talked about me they called me the ugly duckling. They were breaking my heart so I decided to run away. I’m an ugly duckling with no place to run to.”
“Well you have a place now. You stay right here while I tell everyone about you and we’ll get you moved into our bird sanctuary where you’ll get to meet the other ducks and geese who live here. Not to mention all the other creatures we have rescued who have learned we are all family.”
“Why are you being so nice when you don’t even know me?”
“Dear Doctor Bernie has taught us that we are all wounded and have our share of troubles. He’s a surgeon and says we are all one family, the same color inside, so we try to serve one another. He’s our CD and Bobbie is our CM; they stand for Chosen Dad and Chosen Mom. I know someone whose childhood was a lot like yours except for one thing that made all the difference in the world to him. Would you like to hear a story? It may help you to understand and change how you see yourself.”
“Sure. I’m definitely not going anywhere.”
“Once upon a time there was a young woman who was told not to become pregnant because she was very sick and had lost a lot of weight. Her doctor felt becoming pregnant might endanger her life. She and her husband followed the doctor’s advice but her mother wouldn’t accept it. She told her daughter to lie down on the couch and she started feeding her all through the day. Well in time the woman gained thirty pounds and went ahead and became pregnant.
“Things went reasonably well until the time when the baby was due. You showed up too soon while this duckling seemed like he had no interest in ever coming out. Weeks went by and finally his mom went into labor but after several days he still didn’t show his little head. I think it was his big head that was the problem but don’t tell anyone I told you that.
“His mom was going through a lot of pain and the doctor said he really needed to get her baby out but she wasn’t well enough to risk a cesarean section so they reached way up inside and pulled the baby out. Then the fun began. His mom said when she saw him she thought, they didn’t give me a baby they gave me a purple melon. So she and the baby’s dad wrapped him in kerchiefs and put him in a covered carriage so no one would see him and when they got home they hid his carriage behind the house and covered all the mirrors.”
“Boy, I know how he must have felt. “
“But there was one big difference between his family and yours. He never considered running away from home. Can you guess why?”
“No.”
“Think about it. He had what you didn’t have; a grandmother and he was her grandchild. She saw the beauty that parents haven’t learned how to see. It’s not their fault and I am not blaming anyone. It’s about life and what they have experienced. Hey, the next generation becomes great grandchildren so it is definitely about what we learn from our experience.”
“I’m sure you know by now that the ugly duckling with a grandmother was Bernie. Bernie’s mom said her mother took him and poured oil over him many times a day and massaged and pushed things back where they belonged. Bernie said as he grew up whenever he worried about how he looked he’d always go to his grandma for a hug. Finally when he was old enough to go to school for the first time he went to his grandma and said, “I don’t know how I look. There are no full length mirrors in our house.”
She answered, “Come over here, look into my eyes and you will see how beautiful you are.” Bernie didn’t need plastic surgery or to do what the ugly duckling and you did, run away from home. You won’t have to struggle to see by your reflection that you are beautiful because you will see that in our eyes. Bernie’s grandma has taught us all a few things though Bernie’s wife Bobbie did insist upon having a mirror by their front door. So his grandmother hung a sign across the top of it that says, “Come and see how beautiful and meaningful life is.”
“So whenever anyone is having a bad day and grandma isn’t around we just go and stand in front of grandma’s mirror.”
“Now I want you to start working on what the original ugly duckling did. He quieted his mind and didn’t let his mother’s rejection become the focus of his life. With a quiet mind one can focus upon and quiet one’s life and the direction it is taking and look what happens then? His quiet mind and the still water of his life allowed him to see his true beauty and that he was a swan, not an ugly duckling. Don’t ever forget we are all swans and divine creations.”